I'm sad to confess that I've started smoking (again). Shit fuck argh blah I hate me right nowz. I feel the MOST shit about it when I have to get up in the middle of the night to use my asthma puffer too many times so I can sleep, only to wake up at my normal waking time with another disgusting wheeze. I have dreams that I am getting black spots in my arteries and lungs and that I've already given myself cancer. Fark me. The ads on TV are making me sad and depressed and only makes me want to drink and smoke more.

Droga5 office assistant job - I emailed them last night to see what had happened to the role. Sometimes it feels like applying for these jobs is a black hole. Is there anyone there? anyone?

Freelance photography - I also emailed Kristen and Adam from Six Wolves again last night. I can't get to my gmail from work so I can't check my mail to find out if they've replied or not.

(The HR lady said to maintain good social networks - she makes it sound so mechanistic.... why can't she just say something like: hang out with your friends more? They'll make you feel good about yourself.)

I met up with Yung for lunch. I don't think I've seen him for a year? He thinks I'm thinner. I'm sure I'm fatter. Oh such flattery will get you no where Yung! I know you are reading this. You are right, I am such a meanie. And we can only meet at certain times in the month because at "that" time in the month, I'm a horrible person to be near...

Meeting up with Lucy after work, who I have also not seen for a YEAR. I've been so caught up in my life. I am a shit friend. How do people do it? I could never be a professional socialite.