live life slower

Today was the prettiest day in a week or so, and yet after lunch with my grandma and mum, I looked at the ceiling of my room from my bed and couldn't stop crying. I eventually cried myself to bed and woke up at 6pm. It's such a warm summer day here; what a waste. I feel a bit stronger having dropped a few tears. At the moment, strange things are happening. I think I'm growing apart from one of my close friends (again).  I think this is making me sad. I don't trust her anymore. Also, there is this guy who tells me that I am in his dreams. We go for dinners and swims at the beach and sit in the park and chat. He is quite persistent and "full on". I'm shocked by his kind nature to the point that I find it ridiculous. He says I'm not reciprocating his feelings. He says I don't text him and that he initiates most of the communication; most of this is true. I should text him more. What happens if I don't know if I like him or not. He has stated outright that he doesn't want a relationship. Do I? I thought I didn't. I think I can't be in one. They confuse me. I listened to a song he sent me. It made me cry. I don't think that was the intended reaction. Shouldn't I be happy to receive attention from nice boys? My friends say I need to love myself more before anyone can love me, but I just can't.