It's wet and cold outside

I just went outside to grab a coffee and was reminded that I'm in London. It is cold and damp outside. I guess it is trying to rain but it's half-arsed. As I was sitting outside having my coffee and smoke, I realised that this weather and my depressive personality are already best mates. Depression is my preferred state. Well, that and being over the moon happy. I like extremes. In my last year or so, I've discovered that "in between" place to be pretty boring.

So I'm heading home (to sunny Sydney) next Tuesday. I figured I should really get my act together, somehow. I've got a degree. I've got work experience. I wonder if I got into school for next year? Maybe that will give me some sort of direction?

For the first time in my life I am currently not aiming for something. I seriously have NO PLANS for my future. This is confusing and slightly worrying. Looking back, I'm trying to figure out how I was previously so driven? Where did it come from? I think it came from wanting success? and money? but then I earned (or is it earnt) some money and it wasn't exciting anymore.

And that leads me today's question. What am I doing? with my life? (I haven't re-read this blog for a while - maybe I ask that same question second week or so...) What do I want to do with my life? I need money to survive. But is that it? I can see why people kill themselves in their 20s. It's as if this is the peak and there is nothing else to aim for. They don't teach you how to live at school. Really... what else is there?