Did you notice that I changed my background to black?

Today I am suffering a high level of anxiety from my current situation - this shows itself in random and small bursts of tears and feeling like my head gets really swollen hap hazardly. I feel more alone today than normally. It doesn't help that both my parents are on holidays (not that I want them to come home for me, but it means I don't have a shoulder to cry on).

I emailed my friends yesterday to see if they wanted to hang out on Friday night - I figured it would be a bit stressful for me being my last day, and no one has replied. This makes me Sad. Someone told me on the weekend that I cannot expect people to read my mind so I tried to be more explicit and that didn't work - minor fail. See email:
________

Hi, to help me celebrate (or mourn) the end of my employment at [said bank] this coming Friday, I would like to have a drink (or maybe several). The HR consultant (read: psychologist) said I should do something to mark the end of my time here so it isn't such a downer. I would prefer not to drink with my colleagues (for obvious reasons).
I am definitely scared about the unknown and the future that previously looked so clear cut but am also looking forward to trying something different. I hope it works out!
Are you free this Friday night?
________

What is wrong with me? argh someone reply to my email please? maybe I should SMS and see if that works better instead? My full fat yoghurt and apple aren't really doing the trick. And even the endorphins from the gym aren't working.

In situations like this I feel like I need to paraphrase Ms Arfin: everyone is too caught up in their own lives to worry about the problems of others. It's true isn't it?!! I think I do that. I get really really happy and then nothing is going to make me sad and that's because I'm so blindsided to everything else because I'm on this happy cloud. Well I'm not on that cloud today and I wish someone would come be my friend in my time of need... argh... I am probably going to scrub this post tomorrow when I'm feeling better and less melodramatic and feeling less down and just generally blaaaargh about the situation.

Maybe Prozac will be the answer for me? Prozac and Email article from the New York Times

Ella out.