Saying sorry for shit

About a week ago, my dad wrote me an email saying that he was sorry for being a bad parent when I was growing up. The thing is, he's overseas and living with his own parents at the moment, and a holiday of sorts. I would have generally preferred this type of communication via a non virtual means but being Asian and male, communication in general can be difficult at the best of times, any sort that is. So this was acceptable, kind of.

At first I was like, "so what exactly are you sorry for? can you be more specific?" because like most kids, I can vividly remember certain incidents and the thought of them still hurts. What I realised after a week of cooling off, and not hitting the reply button immediately  which is what I'd normally do, being a crazy volatile bitch, is that it actually doesn't matter what he's sorry for. It's been too long and the fact that he was able to say it at all, is a big deal. A really big deal for him and for me. Anyway, I think it makes me happier to know that he's happier. I guess we will never be close but that's okay. I think lots of families aren't close. It's just some fantasy that we're told we're all supposed to have.

Then today I got thinking that the internet really is awesome. My dad wouldn't have been able to say sorry in real life. No way. So thanks to the internet, it was a lot easier. Isn't that nice?! I guess he could have written a letter, but let's not dwell on that.

Deep not deep

Someone mentioned the other day, that I'm not actually deep. I agreed. I'm just really bad at keeping my emotions in so when I get upset or something bad happens, I cry. I don't know what the fuss is all about. It's good that I can get it out and move on, no? Well I'm told people don't know what to do when I cry. It makes it awkward for them.