moving with the riff-raff

I've had a crazy few days. I feel like I haven't quite stopped. That stupid life treadmill seems to be really speeding up. I'm tired and moody and want to eat A LOT of bad food. I ate really oily food for lunch already and it made me feel bad. Feeling like shit is enjoyable to some people. I'm part of that "some people" category. I'm looking forward to a quiet few days before the onset of January which is invariably manic.

I went to the ATM before and could not find my ATM card. I "like totally" started to panic and started thinking what I would do without it over the new year period - ie. this coming week. I figured I'd have to ask my mum to borrow some money or else take cash out on my credit card which I don't do (ever/rarely). But then I got home and scrummaged through my mary poppins bag again and it was all A-okay. Phew!

I am looking forward to the end of this year. Sometimes you have a kick arse year and things just seem to go your way and you can kind of feel like you are making some sort of progress. E.g. Year 5 and year 6 at school when I cleaned up pretty much every sports award there was to be had... year 11 when I changed schools and suddenly there was hope... and 2004, the end of university which I hated and my semester in Canada which allowed me to believe that you could really have a happy existence and not be in a constant low/sad state all the time... anyway, the point being - this year has not been that year for me. Or maybe it has and I can't really see through all the shit currently around me and this year is actually one of those gateway times to a whole lot more?

Well this year I decided to take some sort of control of my life. I am experimenting with my life and trying out the more difficult route. They say that the harder route, the one where you struggle along, that that one is supposed to be 'better' and more rewarding, right? I mean, if we aren't actually trying to get anywhere, then it really is about the journey and putting lots of energy into making that journey fucking awesome?!!!

So I don't have to be married by X age and I don't have to have kids (although being high and seeing babies is pretty fun I have to admit), and I don't have to buy a house if I don't want to... but maybe I will want to, who knows? I might desire structure and certainty at some point.

I haven't read back through this blog for a while so don't really know how things have changed but my friends seem to think I've chilled out a bit in the last little while which is cool. I feel like I have as well which is perhaps more important. I've become a spending fiend of late which is hastening the urgency to get a real job. I feel like I should get back into that soul sapping world just for the money but after this whole ordeal... surely I wouldn't buckle just for some sillies?!

"Style is the answer to everything. A fresh way to approach a dull or dangerous thing. To do a dull thing with style is preferable to doing a dangerous thing without it." -Charles Bukowski