Sometimes all I want to do is escape. I ride my bike with my headphones and volume high. I cruise down a slope and it’s dark and it makes me happy to have the wind rushing through my fringe.
Other times I want to feel loved by those that don’t like me and I want to care for people who don’t want it. I listen to Metric and it makes me feel like I can be true to life and the future.
Today I feel hopeful and hopeless. This is exciting. I feel like I’m getting control back and life back. I feel like the future is available and that I can be happy there. I don’t care so much for mediocrity but maybe that is because I have mediocrity as a safety net.
Sometimes I feel like I like girls. I like girls when the boys I like don’t like me back. I like girls that looks like girls. I like being girly too. I saw a group of lesbians at the Courthouse tonight and it made me feel incredibly straight.
If I was born in the sixties, would I just neck myself? I am happy and learning. My friend claims that he and I are truly androgynous. Perhaps. Sexuality can cause paralysis so if ignoring it works, why not.
Tonight I draw because it’s safe. I paint on some colour because it can’t hurt me and looks pretty.
No comments:
Post a Comment