I feel like death. I ate 12 wontons (dumplings basically) for breakfast. I missed dinner which is why I am such a mess today and why I just had my dinner then. It's 7:52am on my clock right now. I'm meant to be at work at 10:30am today. It looks like it will be just fine if this pain subsides rapidly.
One thing I have learnt is that the best way to recovery from too much party is to write it down and somehow, your body detoxifies rapidly in that process. Let me see, why do I feel like death? I'm going to over analyse the bitch out of the situation and see if this helps.
Read the following as quickly as you can to get an idea of how I am feeling: I drank too much. I forgot to eat because I drank too much. I also drank too quickly. Also, the drinks were free and then once they stopped being free, they were still cheap. Or were they just cheap through my drunken eyes.
I'm a mess because I'm obsessed about a boy that I don't even like. Importantly, he doesn't like me which obviously makes this whole process all the more exciting in my confused and fucked up state of constant flux. I need to get a life. I'm trying. I keep telling myself that I will find some body else. And I have and I do and I still return to that same space because I am retarded. Why do we do things like this to ourselves? Am I on drugs? I probably need to get some good prescription ones via a shrink.
Currently, he has my $300+ pair of Rayban Wayfarers and says that he is thinking about keeping them. This is so uncool on so many levels. I love them. I need them given the state of my EYES. I own them. I hate him. I don't want someone I hate wearing something I love. How do I get them back? Do I go to his house and demand them? Do I call and allow him to continue to bar me? Why is it that I get to see him only when he feels like it. Which actually means, when he isn't getting stoned with his mates or getting stoned and playing Wii, or playing Wii, having gay sex with his flatmates or sexing up other woman (which is 100% expected and which I don't have a problem with)... yes this is the current story of my tragic life. My mate was right. What I should be worried about is AIDS and getting the fuck away from him.
I am looking forward to escaping to London. It is 21 days away. THANK CHRIST. I am leaving Sydney to recover my soul (you were supposed to say/read that with a lot of emphasis). Maybe I will stumble upon a cool party over there and meet fun people and leave this thundering life behind me. Anyway. Despite the above paragraphs, I'm the happiest I have been in a LONG time. And that is saying something. It's taken about four months, but world, I've got my mojo back. And by that, I mean I feel like I am ME again and ready to take on this thing called LIFE and give it a really good go and be happy about the little space that I take up. Do you get that?
I'm going to draw it out a bit more. This basically means I am happy to go out alone. I am happy to see people and I smile at them and I will not be scared about the shitty little small things that used to get me down such as traffic jams and long lines and getting stuck in lifts (well maybe) and rotting apples and overly cheesy pizzas. I am still hating on the world because I stopped using the pill and now the skin around my face is all spotty like I've got chicken pox and yes, that upsets me but I am also attributing my happier state to giving up the pill. It was sapping my life energies. Do you believe in that stuff? I think I am beginning to more and more. I never used to believe in astrology and that shit... maybe I am just desperate for there to be MORE TO LIFE. And there is. Come back next week when I'm at rock bottom and I'll explain.
One kiss and one hug to the world. Ella.
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