I just spent the last hour explaining to my mum why I'm planning on taking the retrenchment package and why it makes me happy that I am doing this. I may have lost the plot!!! 

She was like, "when do you get to work there till, then?" It was at this point that I realised that we were coming at this from very different ends of the brain spectrum. For my mum's generation, and probably even more so because she's immigrated here, having a job, any job, is something we should be grateful for. For me I guess it isn't. She probably resents this and thinks I'm an ungrateful, spoilt kid. Maybe this whole recession thing will make me think differently about employment (or unemployment rather), but I hope not.

I reminded her that I didn't like it in first year university and was too lame ass to do anything about it then and too greedy to give up the scholarship that afforded me my expensive lifestyle and that I hated the work experience, both of the six month slave labour placements and that after three years of toiling away at a degree I didn't like, I had also worked really hard at a job that I didn't much like either and was now really really sure that I didn't want to do this anymore. This was after she said I kept changing my mind about what I wanted to do and wasn't directed enough. Fuck me I thought. Could I be anymore thick and stubborn? and to say I am the exact opposite. Then I did that lame scream cry thing that girls do sometimes when they can't verbalise their feelings anymore.

I later went on a shorter rant about how I am not one of the kids that she sees at her church who is married and has babies and owns a VW golf and a house on the North Shore all before the age of 30 and that that is not what I want.  She asked me if I needed to see a counsellor. ARGH. Last time she found me a counsellor it was some guy from her church. No thanks. 

Anyway, I have failed miserably at trying to get some sort of affirmation from the parent that I would consider the "friendlier" one and so am definitely not bothering with approaching the other. 

Inevitably I will read this tomorrow and want to delete it because I will be ashamed that I've blogged such selfish thoughts. 

(I forgot to mention that my mum did all my laundry for me, took me out for a delicious Italian dinner tonight with tiramisu for dessert, bought me fruit, and drove me home... I suck for complaining so much.)